Salt Lake City— When Deiter Uchtdorf applied to become a citizen of the United States, he had only a superficial knowledge of its history. Shortly after his naturalization he was exposed to “Anti-American literature” that completely shook his political paradigm.

“I had no idea that United States history was so riddled with controversy,” said a visibly distressed Uchtdorf. “If I had known all of this before, I’m not sure I would have become a citizen.”

Uchtdorf is not the only person to undergo a “politics crisis” after stumbling upon anti-American literature. Studies show that Americans are becoming increasingly distrustful of the government and its traditional narrative. More citizens are leaving the country than ever before. With information becoming more accessible through the internet, the numbers of defections are expected to rise.

A recent poll suggests that the top reasons Americans are defecting are:

  • Blacks and Citizenship
  • Institutional Opposition to Women’s Suffrage
  • Conspiracy Theories
  • Slavery
  • Lack of Financial Transparency

In a meeting with President Barack Obama, Uchtdorf and other prominent leaders of the LDS church expressed some of their “deep and abiding concerns” regarding US history.

“We are tired of whitewashed history,” said Elder D. Todd Christofferson. “We want truth, not myth. Did George Washington really chop down a cherry tree?”

Sympathetically, Obama answered, “We openly acknowledge that in nearly 240 years of American history there have been some things said and done that could cause people to question. I suppose the government would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. The Constitution has prepared for a democratic feast, and yet, instead of enjoying these political gifts, the cynics content themselves with observing from a distance, sipping from their cups of skepticism, doubt, and disrespect. Citizens must learn to doubt their doubts before they doubt their country.”

While no specifics were discussed in the meeting, LDS leaders are hopeful that this conversation with Obama will be the beginning of more open discussion about difficult issues in American history.

“The meeting was positive, but I’m still not totally secure,” confessed Uchtdorf. “After a politics crisis, you don’t know what to trust anymore. Was Christopher Columbus really a hero? Was 9/11 an inside job? Why can’t the Federal Reserve be audited? What was up with the Trail of Tears and the Japanese internment camps? Is this really the one true nation under God?”

While Uchtdorf does not plan on renouncing his citizenship, he admits that his newfound understanding will influence his religious ministry. His first address of the next conference will be entitled: “The Truth About American Aviation: How the Wright Brothers Stole the Airplane from Alberto Santos-Dumont.”



Richard R. Lyman
Richard R. Lyman
Well-dressed and down for a good time, Richard R. Lyman was the most recent apostle to be excommunicated. The poor guy actually believed what Brigham Young said about only polygamists being in the Celestial Kingdom. I guess you're only allowed to take "spiritual wives" when you're President of the Church. Follow on Twitter: @tgilliland789

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