FAIR Mormon Finds More Maybe Technically Possible Responses to CES Letter

FAIR Mormon, defenders of the LDS faith, are continuing their efforts to refute the CES Letter‘s author Jeremy Runnells by releasing a new document titled, “FAIR’s Debunking of the Debunking of the Debunking of the Debunking of the Redebunking of the Debunking We Hate You Jeremy of the Debunking of the CES Letter’s Debunking of FAIR’s Debunking of the Debunking FAIR’s Response to the CES Letter Debunking of the FAIR’s Debunking of the CES Letter”.

FairMormon sticks the landing again at the annual Mental Gymnastics Competition

Based on limited scholarly research and the Olympic-bronze-standard mental gymnastics of Dan Peterson, FAIR’s latest debunking masterfully deflects many assertions contained in the CES Letter through the use of colored lines, circling of passages, and links only the unemployed have time to click through.

In typical FAIR style, the debunking also includes their trademark Dismissing Third-hand Accounts While Using Other Third-hand Accounts to Prove Points That Suit Us™ and Call Everything A Logical Fallacy™. It’s just win after win from start to finish.

“Basically, the document really raises the all-important question no one thought to address before—what DO words really mean?” Said millennial blogger, Zina Jacobs-Smith-Young. “And why should we believe ANYONE who isn’t on board with City Creek? Don’t you know they have a LUSH in there?

One example of FAIR’s logical and scriptural theology can be found in their addressing of one of Jeremy’s priesthood restoration concerns. Jeremy originally asserted that:

“Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery changed the wording of earlier revelations when they compiled the 1835 Doctrine & Covenants, adding verses about the appearances of John the Baptist and Peter, James, and John as if those appearances were mentioned in the earlier revelations in the Book of Commandments, which they weren’t.”

Luckily, FAIR has a palatable response:

“Jeremy is not good at Quidditch. No, seriously—hear us out. He’s fine at writing, ok? He can put words together to make them appear convincing. But come at him with a bludger and it’s game over. What can we assert about someone who can’t even dodge bludgers? Something to think about.”

As if Jeremy didn’t have his hands full enough with FAIR on his back, the original version of the CES Letter was recently the victim of digital vandalism. This anonymous graffiti attack to the Book of Mormon translation process section is widely suspected to have been orchestrated by Fair Mormon and funded by (but not affiliated with, endorsed by, or technically related in any way to) the LDS Church. Michael Otterson, Head of PR for the LDS Church, denied these allegations. Daniel Peterson was unavailable for comment as he was busy washing chalk dust off his hands in the bathroom.

What is Jeremy’s opinion on FAIR’s newest debunking? 

“My Piked Arabian Double Front is better. Also, donations please.”