Salt Lake City— When Deiter Uchtdorf applied to become a citizen of the United States, he had only a superficial knowledge of its history. Shortly after his naturalization he was exposed to “Anti-American literature” that completely shook his political paradigm.

“I had no idea that United States history was so riddled with controversy,” said a visibly distressed Uchtdorf. “If I had known all of this before, I’m not sure I would have become a citizen.”

Uchtdorf is not the only person to undergo a “politics crisis” after stumbling upon anti-American literature. Studies show that Americans are becoming increasingly distrustful of the government and its traditional narrative. More citizens are leaving the country than ever before. With information becoming more accessible through the internet, the numbers of defections are expected to rise.

A recent poll suggests that the top reasons Americans are defecting are:

  • Blacks and Citizenship
  • Institutional Opposition to Women’s Suffrage
  • Conspiracy Theories
  • Slavery
  • Lack of Financial Transparency

In a meeting with President Barack Obama, Uchtdorf and other prominent leaders of the LDS church expressed some of their “deep and abiding concerns” regarding US history.

“We are tired of whitewashed history,” said Elder D. Todd Christofferson. “We want truth, not myth. Did George Washington really chop down a cherry tree?”

Sympathetically, Obama answered, “We openly acknowledge that in nearly 240 years of American history there have been some things said and done that could cause people to question. I suppose the government would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. The Constitution has prepared for a democratic feast, and yet, instead of enjoying these political gifts, the cynics content themselves with observing from a distance, sipping from their cups of skepticism, doubt, and disrespect. Citizens must learn to doubt their doubts before they doubt their country.”

While no specifics were discussed in the meeting, LDS leaders are hopeful that this conversation with Obama will be the beginning of more open discussion about difficult issues in American history.

“The meeting was positive, but I’m still not totally secure,” confessed Uchtdorf. “After a politics crisis, you don’t know what to trust anymore. Was Christopher Columbus really a hero? Was 9/11 an inside job? Why can’t the Federal Reserve be audited? What was up with the Trail of Tears and the Japanese internment camps? Is this really the one true nation under God?”

While Uchtdorf does not plan on renouncing his citizenship, he admits that his newfound understanding will influence his religious ministry. His first address of the next conference will be entitled: “The Truth About American Aviation: How the Wright Brothers Stole the Airplane from Alberto Santos-Dumont.”



Tanner
Tanner
Tanner Gilliland is a writer, artist, and jazz hands enthusiast based in Salt Lake City, UT. Check out his art on Instagram: @tanner_gilliland, his jokes on Twitter: @tgilliland789, and his poverty on Venmo: Tanner-Gilliland
  • Aaron Tunell

    Interesting, look up the “American Eugenics Movement.” A big chunk of history that has been magically erased from the history books.
    Very similar situation.

    • Darren

      Good to see that someone else knows about Eugenics. I have been doing some research regarding Satanism and Eugenics is one for the four main tenants or principles of true Satanism.

      • Jim Jones

        What?

        • Darren

          Eugenics is when you murder and kill those that you don’t want in your society like what Hitler did. It is still going on but in different forms other than just guns. A great documentary regarding this is MAAFA 21: Black Genocide in 21st Century America.

          • Jim Jones

            Rubbish. You don’t know what the word means.

          • Darren

            Are you too lazy to watch the documentary that I mentioned?

          • Jim Jones

            Not lazy. Uninterested in watching videos. Post the text version.

          • Darren

            It’s ironic that you would prefer text over video even though they both provide awareness aka knowledge of what is going on and what eugenics is about.

          • Jim Jones

            I know what eugenics is about. It’s about not understanding science nor mathematics.

          • Darren

            You should do more research before you spout what you think you know. Most REAL knowledge is occulted or in latin it means hidden. Do you know math has something to do with the English language? When you say science, are you talking about REAL science such as what Nikola Tesla referred to or are you talking about the institutional garbage that is sold to naive young adults in universities and college?

          • Jim Jones

            The theme to the Twilight Zone started playing in my head as I read that.

  • Derrick Clements

    This article, clever as always, Richard R. Lyman, is actually a pretty good portrait of why I stay active as a Mormon after having encountered the religion’s human fingerprints. My faith transition has been one of shifting Mormonism’s place in my mind from THE source of all truth to a bunch of inspired humans doing their best and using their unique set of tools to acquire and promote the truth that comes from above the organization itself. I have similar feelings about America, frankly.

    • John

      Well said. There’s tendency to throw the baby out with the bathwater in both anti-Mormon and anti-American circles.

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